“There will be bad days…that make you cry”
I woke yesterday morning with a familiar discomfort spreading into my chest wall, the indescribable ache that no surgeon can find nor repair. The grief pit where all of my intentions of a good day are collected as they fall over the edge with each heartbeat.
There was nothing I could do to stop the descent, no pills to slow the fall, no hands to reach in to pull the heart muscle back to its regular size. Nothing to do but to wait it out…just another bad day….
No words would bandage the raw edges….just another bad day…
If you have experienced the loss of someone who you love you will understand the feeling I describe above. I can’t say you could describe it because that is impossible no words exist in this place. But you certainly can understand it in how it aches.
It’s like we are all part of a grieving community that no one really wants to belong to at all. Life doesn’t give us the option of a membership choice unfortunately. Because we choose to live, we must go through the inescapable pain of loss. If any one life lesson was designed to test your own ability to want to live at all…this is the one.
As I lolled back into my recliner and watched half interested in what was happening in the world of those that were experiencing a good day I began to notice a theme emerging in what I was being presented with. I pulled myself up a little straighter, pushed a tear from my cheek and felt a small crooked smile begin to form..my heart tried to stop it but like a puppet tied to strings I found myself unable to pull the corners back down into my bad day face…
I was grateful.
I was looking at smiling faces, at life being lived, at funny stories and blessings to others to have a great day. And what stood out was that these were not benign reminders at all, but authored by all those with whom my relationship started in the darkest moments of their lives.
And yesterday/the day before/last week even… their pages sat idle, no posts were applied..maybe it was their bad day… just sitting there waiting for the bleeding to stop. Just sit and wait it out…just another bad day…
We are not alone in our grieving lives. We are a community albeit unwillingly, and in each other we can find ourselves.
And in each other we can see that there will be those bad days….
But a good day will follow…
It’s a good day…
I hope yours is too…
And if it’s a bad day….
I promise you good days ahead.
In love…in understanding…in comfort….