My journey into the work that I have directed to do began right here.
I often find myself wandering about in the dark. And not just any kind of dark either. The pitch of the blackness is astounding. It is as if nothing exists and all exists within the same space. I haven’t yet fully determined if this is a physical manifestation that I am wandering around in, or a soul travel moment interrupted by my own sub conscious because I had that last coffee at 10 pm. While I am moving in this space it seems predominantly real as I graze my fingertips along walls seeking the light switch that I KNOW was there before I drifted off to sleep.
I am never fearful during these times which in retrospect presents a true dichotomy given my absolute distaste of all things dark and in terror of ever going blind. All that I know for certain is that despite being enveloped in absolute nothingness I am fully aware that I will find the light if I am just patient.
Now, throw me into a darkened basement in my waking hours and listen as holy hell erupts as I screech and scratch at the door begging for release. Yet, place me here in my sleep hours and I am perfectly content to wait it out until I find the switch again. Weird isn’t it?
I have arrived at the conclusion however, that I most assuredly must be experiencing an out of body trip through the dark fantastic, because were I physically climbing out of bed to take this journey I would inevitably awaken to broken toes and bruises of questionable origin. I am the worlds most celebrated klutz who can walk into a wall even were it illuminated with a miners light.
Oddly. during these blindfolded sojourns I seem to know my way around without fear of harm. My natural instinct is to search for light, yet my emotional response is of safety and warmth. I stub my toes on nothing, I wander without any injury to my personal self. It is as if all obstacles are removed to assist me forward without discomfort.
Some years back, during my meditative phase where I was making attempts at relinquishing the need for control, I would find myself seated in a chair, feet flat to the floor, hands upturned into submission and eyes closed. I always had a candle burning close by because the entire time I was working at disconnection, I had to be assured that should I open my eyes that I would find light of some kind nearby. The thought of opening my eyes to complete darkness horrified me and I could never understand why. I still, to this day, will drive any eyelash technician to drink with my constant need to open my eyes in case they have somehow blinded me with their super glue. I’m a freak and happily accept that. Apologies however to the tireless efforts of these pursuers of beauty who have to literally tape my lids to my cheek to keep me in check while they fill my lash line with feathers.
But I digress.
It was during these meditative attempts where I learned something incredible. Mind boggling in fact, when you consider how darkness is portrayed in our human existence. One only has to look to the culture of fear to find the dark as a sinister and cruel environment. It’s no small wonder to me that we have created a belief that death of the physical body creates a passage of brilliant light with which to follow into our version of Heaven.
“I am the Light” John 8:12
We can be confused by biblical passages such as this one because it teaches us that only in light do we find love. Not to take away from the system of belief for anyone reading this, but from the value of what I have been shown, there is a space in the middle that we must all move through first before we are ready to accept love in its purest of forms.
Its called “The Dark”
As I sat in my quiet space, my candle burning to my left, I continuously found myself pulled into a strange darkness. It was right here, at that precipice exactly where my need to control the situation would trump my desire to sate my curiosity about what was beyond that next step. My heart would flutter, my hands would reach for the chair arms in a flailing, falling type of panic and I would find myself once again safely ensconced in my room with my candle flame flickering shadows onto the walls.
Eyes wide open.
Phew. I escaped that time! I’m not sure where my Guides were planning on taking me but I got away. Yay me! I win.
I was drifting off one night propped up in my recliner. I wasn’t looking to find a meditative place, I was simply bored with the movie and rested my head back. As I slowly shifted into a another time and space, I heard a voice within my own mind.
“Just slip into the darkness. Nice and easy, slip into the darkness” It was odd this time because I seemed to have found a meditation that wasn’t intended at all, and for the first time I was following the urge to step over. I placed one toe in.
As my foot released the light behind me, I found myself calming. I found my heart fill with the most curious sense of laughter followed by what felt like warm sunshine as it moved over my skin.
“Keep coming” the voice urged. “Everything you need to understand is found in the dark”
And off I went…
This became a collection of moments that changed my entire life.
As I stood there in nothing I became aware of everything. I knew without any doubt at all that I was not standing there alone but was surrounded by something…anything…I had no idea what and it didn’t matter at all. I felt no fear of whatever or whomever shared this space with me, I felt only a gentle swell of something I could not quite put a name to. It did not grow in intensity, nor did it diminish. It simply was. I was immersed in “is” and if that noun could be described in feels I can only describe it as smelling a baby’s skin after a bath. It held no grandiosity in its depth, yet provided an understanding of love that transcends all we have been taught here in this physical world.
I had no care to attempt to ascertain from where this understanding was coming. It truly didn’t matter at all.
And that is the reason for the dark.
Love cannot be trusted with eyes that can see. Love will be questioned based on what we have learned, prejudice we have discovered and scriptures we have allowed to become boundaries and battle lines. Love does not exist in pretty and in ugly. Love does not live in baubles and gifts.
Love…quite simply….exists in a place from which we have no understanding of where it arrives from.
Love lives in the dark in the middle. At the edges of death and the edges of life exists the space where we cannot control from where, from whom, or for why it exists.
We must stand in the darkness for in the darkness we cannot judge from where we receive love. We cannot decide if we want that love or wish to return it. Because we cannot see who or what we are loving we become part of this exchange of beauty that exceeds any and all experiences that this physical lifetime has afforded for you.
Love can only truly be understood in the pitch of nothing because in nothing we are offered nothing to do but to trust.
And from there you will find yourself directed into the light of what we call Heaven.
They leave this part out in near death experience because they know our fear of the dark. I believe its time you all know the truth.
Don’t be afraid of the dark.
Enjoy the journey.