Sassy, Smoldering and Social Distanced

So today I set fire to my bangs.  I had been standing in the bathroom staring forlornly at my hair and thinking it was beginning to resemble a horses tail that hadn’t been brushed in a decade and wondering how best to fix this. If I have learned one thing over the years it’s to never put it out there to the universe that something might need to go. I wandered out to the balcony and lit a cigarette with the BBQ lighter. 

Here’s the disclaimer part:

In no way do my musings represent a lack of understanding of the gravity of our current world situation. I continue to daily send my best energy and love to all that are directly and indirectly affected by this nasty virus.  My heart hurts with all those that have lost their lives to this or have a loved one struggling to breath.  What I have learned is that often times our best way forward is to find the human parts to this, the “first world” problems that exist in this for us all and I try to create an atmosphere a little lighter than the one we see each hour over social media.  Humor is the antidote to the fear and the anxiety.  If I can make you laugh for a moment it is a moment not feeding the monster that is holding us hostage.  Virus’s are intuitively based, just as we are.  They naturally gravitate to fear energy because in fear we become less strong . So by laughing in the face of it can change its direction.  So let’s find the lighter side of the dark today.  And lets remember to thank our front line workers please. Our coffee servers, our delivery drivers, our bus drivers, our essential customer service workers, our emergency services, our nurses, our social workers and mental health workers, our doctors and every single damn person that is working hard in our hospitals right now.

 

I don’t know about the rest of you but this introvert is actually slowly losing her mind.  If I am not soon permitted to touch another human being I might just go mad. I mean touch in the non weirdest of ways,  but you have been warned that I may become overly excited like a new puppy and just leap on anyone that happens to pass by once quarantine is lifted. Please refrain from calling security.  They already have me penciled in for line tipping. Kinda like cow tipping without the cow.

So let’s talk about that first.

I want to talk about the red lines that now separate me from the shopper ahead and behind me.  Firstly, I have vertigo in every moment of every day, so trying to keep my size 12 canoes on my side of said red line is becoming a challenge. And quite frankly I am starting to take offence to being loudly admonished by the security who suddenly beams up from God knows where when I tip forward and have to move a big toe to stop from taking a header into the gum display.

`Dear Security personnel..I do appreciate your being there by the way. Your finding your way into my blog is strictly for the humor portion. Thank you for keeping us safe.` 

Secondly, can someone please help me to understand this six feet apart theory when the lady still shopping  just came up the aisle behind me and now must cross directly in front of me and directly behind the person ahead of me.  I don’t see security diving on her do I?  I suppose this suggests that scientifically speaking moving targets don’t count in the distance criteria. I can hear the virus now.  “I don’t have the energy to chase that one, go for the one that just tipped over the red line. Security just terrified her into hold pose until the bagging area is clear.”

So today I set fire to my bangs.  I had been standing in the bathroom staring forlornly at my hair and thinking it was beginning to resemble a horses tail that hadn’t been brushed in a decade and wondering how best to fix this. If I have learned one thing over the years it’s to never put it out there to the universe that something might need to go. I wandered out to the balcony and lit a cigarette with the BBQ lighter.

Don’t judge and yes I know about the coronavirus and smoking…I have heard it a thousand times now, and let me assure you the threat of smoking is no match for the threat of me not smoking for my beloved husband. Lets focus on keeping him safe too OK? 

It didn’t occur to me that my horses tail wasn’t secured and poof…took care of the bangs pretty darned fast. Smelled awful but on the bright side, I think I might actually be responsible for a new hair craze                                                                                                  ~It’s sassy, it’s smoldering, it’s the new “Singed Fringe”~

You read it here first folks. Coming to a salon near you soon. Or not soon. Maybe June. Maybe October. No one knows for sure.

Now let’s talk about the first world problems of this forced isolation.  I am three weeks late for the eyelash fill.  After the singe fringe affair I ran to the bathroom once again to douse the flames under the bathroom sink. That’s hard by the way. I don’t know who designed this but it’s incredibly difficult to get your head sideways under that tap. We should consider this if my new hair craze takes hold. (Before someone says it..my kitchen sink was full of yesterdays dishes because well, whose gonna visit and who cares?)  As I wrangled my face out of the water stream I stood up and pushed back the remainder of the bangs and noticed the lashes. On the left eye  exists approximately 20 lush and long. On the right exists maybe four thin and barren and it’s a confusing look to be certain.  Only now do I start to panic about burning my bangs off. Thank the good Lord above for sunglasses, because I just cannot imagine the looks should I purchase magnetic ones in this current climate of essentials only.

“OMG there was a women today at Shoppers purchasing eyelashes!! I am sure she’s the same one that line tips, I’ve heard security talk about her. Hmmph.  And I’ve heard that she also goes out for walks in the park and that’s not social distancing!” 

OK so lets talk about that.  If memory serves me correct there was not any mention by our PM here in Canada of enacting martial law just yet.  A child that belongs to me personally was recently taken to task for publicly announcing a stroll through a graveyard for heaven sake.  A graveyard that housed the dead from like three centuries ago so the chances of them getting bus loads of living visitors are certainly slim at best. She allowed her children the opportunity to run in a spot that was free of any danger of being subject to the virus, yet was belittled of her parenting skills and her “choice” to put others in danger.  You’ll forgive me but I doubt the dead have concern about this danger.  How about we stop that sort of silliness and stop it soon.  Giving ourselves and our kids fresh air in these trying times is not irresponsible if we are alert and aware of our surroundings and those that are taking in the air with us.  I have seen parents with small kids moving around the grocery stores and no one says a word about that.  Why? Because it’s essential?  So is fresh air and sunshine.  And running and laughing. And being a kid in times that are difficult for them to understand.  If the time comes that we must be in forced quarantine it will be much harder. So lets stop policing parents who are just trying to give their kids that tiny bit of space allowed in this new world of distance.  OK that was the serious try to be a good neighbor paragraph.  Onward….

Let’s talk about the anxiety of this.  Every day we are subject to new and conflicting information.  Stopped taking your Ibuprofen and now you can’t get out of bed without a forklift?  After four days of being subject to no less than 70 inbox warnings about my muscle and joint choice of drugs I was overjoyed to discover ( because I went looking) that these claims are unfounded. Surprise!! I hope you all realize that I may have noticed my eyelash dilemma sooner had I actually been able to turn my head instead of it being caught in a torticollis  ( google that)  because I had finally been convinced that my Advil would take me out.  It feels good to move my head again, eyelashes or not.

And the symptoms keep changing on us. If that doesn’t send your anxiety skyrocketing I don’t know what will. First it was plugged nose with no running, now its running nose with no plugging. Sore throat, maybe not a sore throat.  Then it was high fever now intermittent fever,  mild headache to your head might blast off migraine style. And a dry cough.  Good God…small wonder we are terrified to walk in a cemetery with 1400 dead people in case they catch it.  This week alone I have diagnosed myself twelve times because I have a drippy allergy nose, a headache from an unnecessary torticollis ( google it)  a sore throat from talking for 8 hours a day ( yes work goes on via phone), a dry cough from the sore throat from talking for 8 hours ( and smoking but we’re not judging) and hot-flashes from menopause.  Everything that is normal is a symptom and it’s scary.  And I get it, trust me I do get it.  We truly are all in this together and it helps to understand that especially now.  The wording from some health networks to “act like you have the virus” while logical is also making us crazy.   But my losing my ever loving mind mid hot flash today only to discover it would pass with the removal of all clothing really wasn’t good for the mental health after all. Or the mental health of the unfortunate people in the parking lot just outside of my open window.   I truly wonder how many women of my age have considered calling or have called the fine nurses of Tele-Health  over a typical hormone surge.

Oh..to catch you all up on the saga of Molly the drama dog, her surgery recovery went well but the 3 am drama howls continued from the couch of which she can now jump onto with no issue but the drama ensued on attempting to get down.  So I fixed that problem by laying the vacuum cleaner on the couch.  She hates it. No 3 am whining.  I may go into pet therapy next. Call me. For anyone wondering who Molly the drama dog is refer to the blog previous to this one.

Wash your hands. Stay off the playground equipment. The dead are dead, they can’t catch it or give it to you so don’t be ridiculous and go for a walk giving wide berth to any other living beings that are taking in the same air.  Try not to take every child you birthed into the grocery store if you can. First of all you aren’t all gonna fit behind the red line. Secondly, they run more risk of this virus from touching and feeling and running than they do on a nice stroll with the dead people.  Logic people. Logic.  No judging here, sometimes you have no other choice, but if a choice exists make it the choice to leave them at home instead of trying to keep little fingers that have picked up every sugary cereal option out of little faces.  Because if you are a parent you know it doesn’t matter how many eyes you think you have in the back of your head, one of them is going to stick a finger up their nose and then brush it on a sibling.

Stay safe, stay calm, keep laughing, sing loudly, wash your hands ( said it again) thank those that are working for us right now, stop beating each other up for being human, and remember that you are human too and subject to the same judgement.

We don’t “got this” unless we “get this” together.

I think I have forgotten how to put makeup on. Or pants. I haven’t seen my bra in two weeks. It’s likely in the pile of laundry marked “Who cares, where am I going that needs clothes anyway?”

Or eyelashes…..

Or bangs…

In love, in light, in isolation.

Tania.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Air Sign or Attention Deficit? Your astrological back to school guide.

Disclaimer: I am not an astrologer nor a child psychologist. My opinions are based on many years of parenting and intuitive experience.  The below observations are intended as suggestions and guidance only. They do not replace the professional opinion of health care professionals.  Every child is different despite their similar sun positioning characteristics.

It makes me cringe when a parent comes to me struggling with a decision to medicate their child for certain behaviors. This is not to suggest that some children ( and adults) do not require some level of assistance, however for the purpose of this blog I want to assume that they do not. For the purpose of this blog I want to talk about typical sun sign characteristics that might come in helpful when dealing with your children.

I am doing so because; to be truthful, as a parent and grandparent it frustrates me to see your child medicated for something that can be considered typical characteristics of their sun sign. Keeping in mind that each child is different, raised in different environments and each has their own story, I will simply stick to the basics and allow you to decide for yourself what parts of your child is behavior and what parts are fixed by birth date.

The Air Signs

The three air signs are Aquarius, Libra and Gemini. While all present a similarity in their element they are truly as different as night and day.

Aquarius:

Take one part healer of humanity and blend with one part viper and you have your typical Aquarius. With an unusual ability to tend to those struggling, provide healing and nurturing you might expect to find a wayward animal hiding under their bed or a desire to adopt the child in the next desk because they look sad. Aquarius have a heart full of love to share. They can be quiet and loving or the class clown. Whatever way they feel that they can share healing they will adopt. And if healing means standing on their heads on their desk to change the environment then stand on their heads they will. The downside to this is their ability to rip your face off in a moment’s notice. Aquarius don’t often share this characteristic but be aware that it exists beyond their gaze. If they feel that their kind nature has been taken advantage of you can expect a litany of less than appropriate narrative to escape their lips with all the vengeance of a viper. Aquarius like to change their minds like they change their socks ( they best match their clothes by the way).  In a nutshell for your five year old Aquarius. Loving, kind, gentle. Intolerant of bullies. Will stand up and say no and say it well. Will turn into a disturbed rattlesnake on a dime, often leaving teachers and parents wondering what might be the root of this sudden shift. The root is that they felt overwhelmed or taken advantage of. Talk about this first before assuming a behavior issue is looming.

Gemini

I always say that Gemini is the most likely to be diagnosed with ADHD. I have always wanted to poll schools to find the highest degree of this diagnoses because I am certain that Gemini will come into the top of the percentile.  At times entertaining, infuriating and frustrating you have absolutely no idea where this child will take you from one moment to the next. Every moment is a new adventure. Easily bored they can become a source of frustration to even the seasoned educator. Over talkative and straight to the point, curious and questioning they are the adventurous soul, full of life, full of love and full of disruptions. Your Gemini loves to learn, but not necessarily in a confined environment. I call them the “new word everyday” sun sign. Bored quickly give them something new to challenge them! Lots of movement, lots of adventure and lots of patience will be required to handle these little ones. Oh, if you don’t like their decisions…wait five minutes….they’ll change it. Oh..and watch their little tempers…you never see it coming.

Libra

The natural balance in life. Little Libras detest confrontation of any sort and will go to great lengths to avoid it. I have a Libra myself and my biggest concern with him was that he would take the blame for everything in life just to avoid a fight. This can prove to be concerning in a school environment. Libras like balance in all situations and they will rarely choose sides in any debate. It is easiest in their little heads to just say that they caused the problem simply to make the problem go away.  Libra is particularly hard on themselves and their efforts. Be mindful of this because many school projects will be handed in late because something didn’t feel balanced. This can often be misconstrued as lazy, obessive or sloppy but in truth they are seeking perfection. Libra can easily take on the personality of those around them, they seek truth and will emulate those that they hold to be leaders in this manner. Remind them to be their own person first and foremost.

The Water Signs : Pisces Cancer and Scorpio

Pisces:

Think of two fish tied at the tails with one going one way and the other going the other. A tug of war ensues. Pisces are compassionate to a fault and will often be seen as naive, making them the perfect victim for the less than appropriate peer group. Pisces are natural born leaders but struggle with finding the voice they need to lead often until later in life. Their formative years can be a struggle between choosing to follow the right group and their need to fit in. Pisces are the chameleons of the zodiac..their ability to slide into situations is mind boggling. Be mindful of this as they grow older. There exists a very fine line between vodka shots and church with these kids. No matter what situation they find themselves in..they WILL fit in..due to their nature of absorbing the experience completely.  Encourage responsibility young with these kids. They live in a world of black and white. There exists no grey area. Provide outlets for the passions that drive them. Pisces children are dreamy and often mistaken as having attention issues. Nothing could be further from that truth. Ask them instead where they go during lessons and you will be treated to a world of fantasy and whimsy.

Scorpio

Ask your Scorpio child to write a poem about the sun and expect something straight out of Edgar Allen Poe. Be prepared parents. They can be seen as moody or depressed.  These children are the most intense of the astro wheel. They can fool you. Generally quiet and reserved, they are quick to snap to judgements and wherever the story lacks direction they will make up their own. Born diggers these kids want to know the answer, the reason and the motivation behind everything in life. And if the answers don’t fit with their decisions well watch out. They are incredibly stubborn when they feel that they are right. You could present them with concrete evidence and they will still cock their heads and remark “well I don’t know about that”.  Dramatic, intense and oftentimes brooding, they can be accused of sulking behavior. They can tend to be loners but its natural to them so don’t worry. These kids make incredible investigators or police officers due to their predisposition to believe there is more to any story. Scorpios can be misinterpreted as socially awkward and introverted.

Cancer

Soft, loving and incredibly quick to temper in the right circumstances. The cancer child can be loyal to a fault but don’t you mess with them. They forget NOTHING when slighted or offended. Natural born introverts they tend to keep their circle small and will often be found to be the listeners instead of the leader in a classroom setting. Little Cancers love their quiet time and their favorite subject will most likely be nap time. They are drawn to the underdogs because for some odd reason they seem to understand them best. Expect to find this child huddled in a corner with the disruptive ones trying to soothe them. If there is a pet in the classroom this child will generally have it cuddled in their lap. Cancer can be misinterpreted as having little direction or interest.

The Fire Signs Sagittarius, Aries and Leo  Domineering, determined and charming.

Sagittarius

Oh, you wanted a quiet child did you? Bright and inquisitive, these kids epitomize the word “why” and you will hear it many many times over. Natural debaters these kids possess a gentle ability to see both sides of any argument from a logical perspective and yet still win any argument. They are like mini defense lawyers in training. Very confidant when they find their niche they must be cautioned against being the solo voice of reason on any subject. A good debating club or position of leadership would suit them through their educational years. Naturally social they can have a tendency toward chattiness. They can be seen as lazy until they get their first job. At that point money becomes the focus and you will rarely need to remind them to get up for work.  These kids can be seen as flighty and without direction.

Aries

Keep an eye on your cunning little ram. Charming to a fault at times, they have an ability to wrap teachers and peers around their little fingers while creating their empire.  They are the consummate charmers of the classroom. Witty and bright they can make any experience memorable, but back them into a proverbial corner when called out on something and watch out. You’re in trouble. They will fight back with the ferocity of a tiger. Not fans of rules, they are incredibly intelligent, witty and industrious. Organized and bright, these kids make incredible leaders. They would do well a buddies to children younger, school council members and the like.  Not being pulled into the “way things should be” you could expect some push-back at school against ideas that are too confining.  This behavior can be seen as controlling or bossy. In fact, it’s anything but that. If anything at all it’s a desire to do things more easily to arrive at the intended conclusion.

Leo

Oh the charmer..the leader…the loyal and the true. This is your little Leo. Natural entertainers these kids can take control quickly with their humor and their predisposition toward desiring attention. This is the child that will never walk into a classroom unnoticed. Leos are hard little workers and know to settle into their expected duties and are generally little problems to anyone. Loyalty is their buzz word and if they feel that you are not living to their standards they will roar and walk off never to return. Encourage these kids to be more forgiving of their friends. Due to their charming nature they can be sometimes seen as manipulative. Many teachers have fallen for their big eyes and soft smiles. Very creative they should be encouraged to follow their passions.

 

Earth: The sure footed of the astro wheel your Earth signs are responsible, determined and difficult to sway. 

Taurus

Oh the formidable bull. A frustrating mixture of you never quite know what you’re getting. Your Taurus child is a born leader and will often be referred to as difficult and opinionated. They will simply not change their stance on any issue. Once their mind is made up good luck changing it. They will skirt emotional discussions with humor and a mild sarcastic wit. Incredibly calm in the face of any storm they provide others with a sense of being someone they can turn to for strength. Taurus are well known for their “I’ll do it in my time” way of life.  If you have expectations of something being done in your time..well..just stop expecting. You’ll just be banging your head against the proverbial wall. Loyal, steadfast and  private…they can often be considered to be holding back or not truthful, when in fact, they are simply respectful of their own private lives. Taurus can be seen as instigators or button pushers. A natural wit and sarcasm they will light fires and walk away giggling.

Virgo

The classroom helper. These kids are meticulous and well organized for the most part. They crave perfection and the discovery that perfection does not exist can create some issues. Virgo tends to gravitate toward the teachers that are prepared on time. This is not a loosey goosey sun sign. They are natural born leaders but be prepared for howls of frustration should their attempts go unnoticed. Any and all tasks they offer to assist with should be acknowledged or you will find yourself with a sullen child who feels disrespected for their efforts. Virgos hold others to incredibly high standards. They must be reminded that human is human and sometimes people are less than perfect. These kids can sometimes be seen as obsessive and overly controlled.

Capricorn

Capricorn is most likely to be voted school cop. If there is an issue developing you can fully expect your Capricorn to be on top of it and quickly. This can sometimes be seen as “squealing” to the fellow classmates, but to a Capricorn it is all about justice and doing the right thing. Even if the right thing isn’t exactly right at all. They will stick to their guns, dig in their heels and refuse to see it any other way. It is rare to see your Capricorn in the principals office unless they are filing a complaint about school policies or a bullying episode that went unattended. Born leaders they are well suited to school council or a position where they feel responsible. Put them in charge of the class hamster and all will go well. These kids can be assumed to have confrontational issues.

Look deeper when dealing with any school based issues. Understand your child first before seeking to push out natural tendencies.

Happy Back to School to you all!